Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Comfortable in my own skin

Sue said two things today that made me feel so good. The first was that the house smelled so good with cooking last night when she came home. Yesterday I made granola and soup and bread, all part of Sue’s and my desire to feel good and live healthy so we can do the things we like to do.

And this morning while we were talking, she said that I was her best friend.

I’ve always had just one best friend (Sue said she’s always been the same way) just one person who I spent all my time with. Plus a few others close friends, but only about four, no more than five. I guess I value quality over quantity. I’ve never been a joiner, prefer being a loner, watching from the fringe, and never liked traveling around in large groups. On the surface it’s just too complicated and too much pandemonium for me, but that makes me look shallow. It’s simply in a large group you can’t do the one thing that I love to do, and that’s have a deep conversation, one on one. Baxter, and don’t ask me how he knows things, but he knows things, said the one thing that I’ve always craved my entire life is intimacy. I like close, and the closer to the bone we get, the better I like it. But it takes a long while to get where you know who you are, and not just what you want, but what you need. Or it took me a long time. Maybe I’m just a slow learner. Maybe there’s more for me to understand about myself. Well, of course there is. But feeling good inside your own skin gives you so much calm strength. I’m not perfect, but it would take a lot to take that away from me now.

1 comment:

Lafe said...

I love the two theater pieces you posted. You find the weirdest art.

As to the "comfortable in my own skin", my best friend once told me that he believed he could never be unhappy again. After a few years of Ram Das and similar ilk, he was convinced he'd found the way to enjoy the sunrise, toast cooking, and the feel of his skin in the shower without his internal critic or his "to do" list getting in his face.

You know what happened to him later; he hit a down spell, coincidentally coinciding with Bush's re-election and having something to do with his faith in his fellow neighbors.

Regardless, he also found a way back.

Maybe nothing is permanent, or maybe coming back from a down spell is part of being comfortable in your own skin. It's okay to be uncomfortable in your skin, as long as you have the tools to get back to being comfortable.

Too wordy a response. Now I'm beating myself up for writing so much. oops.

Web Analytics