Wish you were here.
Sue left for Mexico yesterday for five days. I saw her off at the airport, and thanks to the T running late, we just were able to get her boarding passes and then off to the gate. So, Bob and I are back to our bachelor days, already slipping back into old habits acquired from living and being alone.
It's not bad, I'm just saying life is different without her. When you're not sharing a space, and especially a life, with another person, particularly another person who you love, you tend to focus on yourself, and just like those lists where you write out 25 Random Things About Yourself, it all gets pretty boring after awhile.
I'm sorry, I'm just one of those people who not only believes, but lives his life feeling that if you're not sharing it and your experiences with someone else, it all gets a little pointless. A little dull. This is just me: But I've spent way too much of my time alone or doing things by myself. I've overcome the fear and discomfort in my younger years of doing things alone in public like going to movies and out to dinner by myself to prove I don't need someone else. I've hiked and camped and traveled alone, and scraped and struggled through personal difficulties alone, proving I really don't need anyone else to get along in this world. I like people and I like talking to people and interacting with them. And if you take that to its furthest appeal, to feel completely content, I like intimately sharing my life with a woman.
I'm not some right-wing, Bible-thumping fundamentalist either. I think anyone who can find happiness in this world, anyway with anyone they can is all right by me. And I know there are people who don't have the same needs I have. Some people enjoy living alone. Some people are so wrapped up in their own lives (and I know that the way I worded it is is mildly pejorative) they don't have time or energy for someone else. They think it's a burden. A person becomes an obligation which, to my way of thinking, is one of the worst things a person can be. Yeah, a person who lives like that is a little selfish, if not a lot of selfish. There's no law against it.
But right now it's a bit after 8:00 in the morning and I'm sitting on the couch where I (and Sue) always sit in the morning with our coffee and it's just not the same. (Something About What Happens When We Talk. Lucinda Williams. I've posted the YouTube vid and lyrics before, so if you want you can look them up.)
And maybe I'm being melodramatic, or I'm thinking too much; I've been accused of both--usually by people whose heads would start to ache after a bit of mental exercise--but I am an actor and I do have an IQ of 135. In the past I've dumbed down to so many people, and finally a good doctor said to me, John, you're just going to have to get used to the fact that you're smart. It's not easy being different in this society; you're never accepted for who you are. So because of some God-given talent I have, and an ability to achieve a high score on a Western, white-dominated testing model, I am able to see and understand some things that others can't. And so I can put myself in a time and a place where Sue isn't in my life, and I don't like it one bit. It's how I can tell I love her to death and the life that we have.
So today is a day like so many I've had before. There are deadlines to make (I am a writer, too, which means if you give me a deadline I'll go right up to it.) There is music to study, not the least is the song that inspired this post. There are a couple of critters to tend to and a few errands to run. I have no idea what the day will hold or bring. Knowing what I know, I'll have a few smiles and laughs; I always do, mainly because I've learned to make my own fun.
Still, I wish she was here.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Friendship
Now this is more like it.
After blogging just today about my friends, or lack of them, I get this email. This is what I'm talking about.
Now this is more like it!
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this email. Just the stone cold truth of our great
friendship....
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you
can feel the true warmth.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, Then get depressed because you can only think of four.
After blogging just today about my friends, or lack of them, I get this email. This is what I'm talking about.
Now this is more like it!
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this email. Just the stone cold truth of our great
friendship....
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you
can feel the true warmth.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, Then get depressed because you can only think of four.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
The Road to Ensenada
Listen to your heart that beats
And follow it with both your feet
And as you walk and as you breathe
You ain't no friend of me
You ain't no friend of me
You ain't no friend of me
Lyle Lovett’s haunting lyrics broke through the fog in my head this morning while I was waking up. It’s a hard lesson to learn, to know who your friends are. And it’s an even harder act to deal with people who you thought were your friends, people who told you they were your friends and you believed them. Who knows: maybe they really believed it themselves. Maybe they didn’t mean to lie; they couldn’t help themselves. Maybe they needed a friend themselves.
It’s not an easy thing, for me at least, to write people off. Some people can discard people as easily as taking out the garbage. Like they’re throwing garbage overboard, off a boat. Never look back, and the person sinks beneath the waves and under the water forever while the other person blithely and happily sails on their merry way. I can’t do that.
But we have to protect ourselves. There’s no such thing as a friend who doesn’t want something in return. A friendship is a selfish thing.
I think friends are like lovers, and the best ones not only make us better people, but together two friends can make the world a better place. In the same way a quarterback leads a receiver with a pass, throwing the ball not to where the receiver is at the time of the release of ball, but where the receiver will be when the ball arrives, friends—real friends—take us where we want to be. Where we should be. Where we were born to be.
And follow it with both your feet
And as you walk and as you breathe
You ain't no friend of me
You ain't no friend of me
You ain't no friend of me
Lyle Lovett’s haunting lyrics broke through the fog in my head this morning while I was waking up. It’s a hard lesson to learn, to know who your friends are. And it’s an even harder act to deal with people who you thought were your friends, people who told you they were your friends and you believed them. Who knows: maybe they really believed it themselves. Maybe they didn’t mean to lie; they couldn’t help themselves. Maybe they needed a friend themselves.
It’s not an easy thing, for me at least, to write people off. Some people can discard people as easily as taking out the garbage. Like they’re throwing garbage overboard, off a boat. Never look back, and the person sinks beneath the waves and under the water forever while the other person blithely and happily sails on their merry way. I can’t do that.
But we have to protect ourselves. There’s no such thing as a friend who doesn’t want something in return. A friendship is a selfish thing.
I think friends are like lovers, and the best ones not only make us better people, but together two friends can make the world a better place. In the same way a quarterback leads a receiver with a pass, throwing the ball not to where the receiver is at the time of the release of ball, but where the receiver will be when the ball arrives, friends—real friends—take us where we want to be. Where we should be. Where we were born to be.
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