Friday, January 2, 2009

Friday night, and the week is over picked up yesterday's blog. That's always a nice thing, when someone, like an editor, picks Action Bob. It pretty much validates what goes on here, or on any blog or creative outlet for that matter--a stage, a canvas, a page, whatever--that the author does have something worthwhile to say. That the person is does have something worthwhile to share. It's a nice pick-me-up. Damnit, I can write to make people sit up and notice. I always could. And I always will.

It's fun to watch the analytic software tic off the numbers, and watch the graph take that steep climb posting the numbers.

I have to admit that after writing yesterday's post, it was a bit difficult to hit the publish button. But it only goes to prove that the truth is worth something.

I didn't write yesterday's blog to garner sympathy. I'm long past sympathy. Like I wrote on my Facebook status line yesterday, John is comfortable in his own skin. I've pretty much accepted who and what I am, and when that happens with any person, it's a wonderful thing. You suddenly gain a lot of peace in your life.

I wasn't sure what to write today. I had ideas. And I guess if it's truth you want, well, I'll give you another helping today.

Sue went out on a call again in the middle of last night. She's working extra to compensate for me losing my job, though she said she'd be doing it anyway for the extra money, even if I wasn't laid off. I know that's true, but I hate to see her going out in the middle of the night like that, in the dark and the cold. It was something like 13 degrees last night when she went out on the call.

And it's not easy for somebody like me to watch--and here's where it gets tricky--Sue and I aren't married, but we might as well be, the way we live and act and run our household. But I've never in my adult life had anyone support me. I've been pretty much working steady since I was 12 years old. I'm not making that up or even stretching the truth. By the time I was in my mid-teens I was working and buying my own clothes and pulling a good part of my own way. This stings the ego a bit, I have to admit.

So I got up today and was going to blog today about how gray the day was, but it was too depressing. I want to put positive things down here, although sometimes you got to go backwards to go forwards, if you understand what I'm saying. I'm not a Pollyanna, and I'm not always going to be writing about sunny days. If it's rainy, damnit I'll write about the rain. I've never understood people who say, when I was little we were poor, but we didn't know it because we had love. I want to say, what were you, stupid? How can you be that dumb to not know you were poor? Couldn't you see what kind of car your friends' families were driving, then look at yours? Couldn't you see the Sear catalog clothes you were wearing, then see the department store clothes your friends were wearing? No, poor is poor, and poor hurts sometimes.

Anyway, I've experienced this so many times. You get up feeling bad, just beat on. Then, before you know it, something good happens, like the thing. And you just work bit by bit. I spent the day pulling more samples together. Working on my resume. Nothing was going to happen today. Everyone in the business world was pretty much drooling out of their collective mouths today if they were in the office. Monday is when I hope to see things rolling.

So I worked for awhile, all the time thinking about Sue in the back of my mind. I called her once, and she didn't answer. That's always a bad sign. I tried leaving her alone, but called a bit later and got her and the poor thing sounded so tired. I wanted to see how she was doing, and wanted to have things special when she walked through the door. She said she was so tired and hungry.

So tonight when Sue walks through that door there will be tacos and a nice bottle of Beaujolais waiting for her. And flowers. It's not a lot, nothing fancy, but hopefully it something, enough to get her to understand just how much I love her.

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