Thursday, August 23, 2007

Fall's coming

It's only the middle of August, but already there are times when you can feel and see Fall coming. Something in the air. A smell. A chill. Certain trees are already starting to turn. Flowers are putting on one last big show, like the grand finale of a fireworks show.

All of which depresses the hell out of me.

Most people love the Fall. Sweater weather. Crisp cool nights. Deep blue-sky days. Warm days and cool nights for sleeping. The leaves doing their amazing watercolor thing. Fall is gorgeous here in New England. I love that part, too, but I can't help but also be aware of the cold dark lonely days that come after it. I know, for God's sake, snap out of it. Cheer up. Things could be worse. I've fought it all my life. I'm a tad melancholy. I understand the depths of depression, been there, and never ever want to visit that place again. I don't take any medication. I figured this is the way the Creator made me, and so I deal with it. I have my coping methods, which usually work pretty well. At one point I was "self-medicating," which I think is a riot. Hell, I thought I was just getting drunk. I didn't know there was a fancy clinical name for it. There by the grace of God I'm still living.

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