Today's Libra

Okay, I know it's just the horoscope on facebook, but after a sleepless night, it's kinda weird to log in and see this on your page:

You have forgiven an untrustworthy friend once too often. It is time to find companions you can trust as much as they trust you. Stop trying to be something you are not and your goals will be more easily achieved.

I basically sat on the couch in the early hours this morning thinking, am I that bad of a person?...am I cold-hearted because I don't want a particular person in my life who I've known for about twelve years but isn't the same person today as when I met her?...I think I make a pretty good friend, so don't I deserve the same kind of friendship that I think I give?

How many times do you make excuses for a person, how may times do you have to disregard blatant insults--she's just having a bad day, she's going through a phase, she's experiencing a tough patch in her life--before you realize that maybe you're really an okay person and that there really are assholes in this world and she is one of them? (Why are we so slow to realize that women can be just as shitty as men?)

Your life begins to narrow down significantly, and you--or I've decided to, at least--choose only the cream of the crop for your life. Quality over quantity.

True love, love at first sight, soul mates: I've come to believe that they rank right up there with Santa Claus, world peace, and the idea that every boy (or girl) can grow up to be president. Nice idealistic ideas, but one day the world begins to look like a bright winter day, the light harsh and bright, making you shield your eyes. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. For someone like me, a searcher, you realize you've been looking desperately for something that doesn't even exist, that all that energy you've been putting into relationships and people could be better put toward just about anything: a cure for cancer or the perfect grill cheese sandwich, perhaps.

But friendship seems to be something different, at least for me, because I've experienced deep, true friendships. (Maybe deep, true friendships are just a form of love, true love, and soulmates all wrapped up in one. That would be nice.) So, a friendship is attainable. And it's hard to jettison someone from your life, but as Sue is fond of saying, if you act like a doormat, people will just keep walking all over you.

When you finally stand up and demand what you deserve from people, and not in an irrational way but in a heartfelt, true way, and they don't want to change, they don't want to respect you, who but a crazy person would stick around?

You can't live someone's life for them. You can't tell someone to do something--act a certain way--and expect them to behave that way, just because you told them. Unless you're holding a gun to their head, or have something really juicy on them. They have to value you and want you as a friend. And if they don't, all you can do, all a sane, person with a dose of self-esteem should be expected to do, is protect oneself.