Christmas Cake Recipe

Okay, it's kinda old and kinda dumb, but a funny, old friend (who's also kinda old and kinda dumb ) sent it along as a Christmas greeting so that makes it worth posting.

Here's the recipe for an awesome Christmas cake:

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large
eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon
of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of
whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the
highest quality; pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the
electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add
one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the
mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of
dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of
salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon
juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or
something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat
off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky
again and go to bed.