In sickness...

I haven't been this sick in ages. Simply pole-axed. It started on Friday, and I thought I was getting a simple cold. By Sunday night I was spiking a fever and just plain out of it. Last night when Sue came home from work I realized I slept all day, only I thought I was awake. I just laid in bed with my brain spinning--you know how things get when you're feverish and you just don't have a handle on things.

It hit me Saturday night that this was no normal cold.I was prepared for a stuffy head, stopped up nose, maybe a few body aches and a sore throat. Nothing that a few aspirin wouldn't handle. That's pretty much what Sue went through. But then it just kept getting worse, like that summer squall that keeps rising and the next thing you know you're in the middle of a full-blown hurricane. My thoughts and voices and sounds and images all ripped apart and swriling in a vortex...how will I ever put it all together again? You're just lying there, helpless, with nothing to do but ride out chills and the fever and the aches.

And I wonder why I got it so bad and Sue, while she was sick, didn't. I worry about my age sometimes. I worry that this is a sign of getting older, that sickness hits you harder and it takes longer to bounce back. Like at one time in your life you--well, I--could eat an entire large anchovy pizza and not gain any weight or feel like a bloated seal the next day. We're constantly changing, and all my life, because of certain circumstances, I've been aware of the Grim Reaper standing nearby. I just wonder if this is just feeling the coldness of his breath because he just took another step closer.

And I'm the kind of patient that just wants to be left alone to crawl in a hole and lick his wounds. Sue's not used to that. Or rather, we're in that point in our relationship where we're learning the nitty-gritty about each other. Sickness is one good way to see the other person. You don't look hot and sexy. You look pretty miserable and disgusting, truth be told. This is one time when you know they love you. I guess that's why they say , in sickness and in health.