Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Chris Cagle, girlfriend jailed for domestic assault

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — Chris Cagle was arrested for domestic assault Wednesday following a fight with his girlfriend. A police affidavit said the 39-year-old country music singer and his girlfriend, Jennifer Tant, were intoxicated and an argument turned physical early Wednesday. Corrections officials said both were jailed on misdemeanor domestic assault charges.

Karla Weikal of the Davidson County Sheriff's Department said there was a mandatory 12-hour stay in jail before Cagle and Tant could post their $1,500 bonds.

Well, good for Tennessee. They have a law there that says police have to arrest the woman too if it can't be determined who is the primary aggressor. That makes a lot of sense. I'm betting other states have this law too. I can't believe our smarter, more progressive northern states aren't this smart, too. He had a bump on his head from her hitting him with an umbrella, and she had marks where he slugged her with her purse.

And I know I'm walking a fine line here and I have to be careful when I say that I think there's a double standard when it comes to domestic violence proceedings in most states. I think most states only deal with 50 percent of the problem when they go after just the man, who usually is the physical aggressor.

I'm not advocating that women deserve to be beat up. Of course I'm not saying that at all. I don't think men should hit women. I don't think anybody should hit anyone, and if they do it's a crime and they should pay for their crime.

But, I think what happens in many if not most domestic violence cases is that both the man and the woman are usually at fault. I just can't believe that 50 percent of the population is hell-bent on beating up the other 50 percent.

I think what happens in our society is when men get hurt they get angry and then fight back physically. Women get hurt then angry but then fight with their emotions. And we've yet to evolve as a society to believe that emotional pain is just as real and just as wrong as physical pain. But I think a lot of women get away with something because they know they can push men way passed their limits and they know it's not illegal, but it is extraordinarily hurtful.

I've heard it said that the reason women fight with their emotions is because they're not capable of fighting back physically and that's it's a learned response. That's an interesting bit of Darwinian logic, and it kind of makes sense. But like I said, for whatever reason they do it, I think as a society we have to realize that the way women fight and inflict emotional pain is just as wrong as the way men inflict physical pain.

But I think that day is a long way off because despite feminism, women are still viewed not only as weaker, defenseless creatures, they are also viewed as pure, sweet, and kind and incapable for inflicting pain on a person. They are the maternal sex and are incapable of any sort of aggression.

Of course, anyone with any experience in this life will tell you otherwise. Social workers and DAs and anyone else who works with this particular segment of society will clue you in on this stuff. Invariably the woman also has as many problems as the man they arrest. It's not just bad karma that causes a woman to be involved time and time again with domestic violence. You think it's just coincidence that a woman's ex-husband or ex-lovers end up in jail? That the woman is just some poor, sweet innocent who just made some bad choices? My bet is there's usually alcohol, drug, and/or emotional problems on the part of the woman at play here. You wouldn't want to take any of these women under your care any more than you would a sick puppy. They have more problems than you can shake a stick at.

Let me be clear, because I know there are readers out there that no matter how much you put it in straight black and white are going to read something different: I'm not advocating that men should hit women. I'm not saying that women are asking for it. I'm not saying that women deserve it. I'm saying all forms of domestic violence are wrong, both physical and emotional. And until our society realizes that emotional pain is just as hurtful and debilitating as physical pain, we will not make any strides in the area of domestic violence.

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