A big question

They say if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.

Well, there's busy, and then there's flat out, I don't even have time to shit busy. And usually that last one isn't good busy.

That's me.

There's so much that rattles around in my head on any given day, and being a writer since as long as I can remember--it's the one thing I knew, even as a child, that I could do and loved to do--writing is the one thing that I'm driven and obsessed to do.

But today it ain't gonna happen. And that makes for a very frustrating day for me. It seems the busier I get at work, the more I blog. Or write in my journal.

There are other creative outlets, but I've shut the door on a lot of them. I've said it time and time again on this site, but my life just crumbled. Just imploded. It was demolished. And so much is new for me, and there's so much of me that wonders if I ever want to go back to any part of my old life. Friends. Pursuits.

Just the other night I auditioned for a part in a full-length play for the second time in over two years. And I did great. I didn't get the part, but the director wrote me a nice note saying why she didn't cast me. And I believe her. I can still act. The question is, do I want to still act? Or more specifically, do I want to act around here, in the Boston area? Yes, that big question lies directly on a lot of people who I may run into when I make the rounds of the theaters. And you know, there are a lot of people who I wouldn't care if I never saw them again. And maybe they feel that way about me, I don't know.

Do it for the audience, I'm told. Other people say, do it for yourself. If you give in, they've won.

You know, I've never been one to keep score, and have always felt this world is big enough for most of us. When I've walked away from things I've usually found something else.